Mind

Understanding

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When we don’t fully understand something, it can lead to stress or add to an already stressful situation.

The dictionary definition of understanding mentions “having insight, or good judgement” and “being sympathetically aware of other’s feelings; tolerant and forgiving”, however the main definition is – “the ability to comprehend”. Sounds simple enough, right? Nonetheless, it sure can be hard sometimes!

An example scenario could be between us and technology, (how frustrating is it when “that button” didn’t do what we thought it would do?!) I bet there are many computers around the globe that were close to being thrown out the window (mine included).

Often the lack of understanding is between us and another person. Or maybe a group of people, like between the sexes, between generations, between cultures, and so on.  Years ago I bought the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” written by John Gray (because I felt that sometimes men spoke a completely different language!). These days there are websites, audible books, courses, YT videos and organisations to help parents understand their teenager (where were those options back in 2012 when I totally needed it?!)

So how do we increase our levels of understanding? For starters – we need to use (or develop) patience. Asking questions is always a good idea to gain more knowledge on any subject. Having an open mind to see things from the other person’s perception is recommended.

 “Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.”
― Lemony Snicket.

And I’ll finish off with the reminder to reach out for help whenever it is needed.

New Beginnings

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Part of the process for achieving something new, is creating space for it. If you decide to buy a new lounge suite, you would either: sell, donate, relocate or throw out the old one, right?

Therefore, when we want a particular intangible result, we’ll have to let go of certain thoughts and actions in order to have success with it. This includes replacing old habits with new habits. Habits include the things we do AND think. It’s possible to habitually think in contrast to what we desire without being totally aware of it.

Where do we start with all of this? Similar to a GPS, or Google maps – in order to get to “point B”, we have to know what “point A” is. And the “point A” has to be accurate, otherwise the wrong route will come up. The exercise of finding our own starting point requires courage, honesty and self-compassion. That means being brave enough to look and face the truth, then being kind by refraining from any criticism.

Paul McKenna, the author of the books I chose to read for an assignment a few years ago believes we have “three selves”:
1. “pretend self” (what is put forward to the outside world)
2. “negative self-image” (the part that is feared to be true)
3. “authentic self” (who we truly are)

I like these 3 questions that he includes:
• “who are you when nobody is watching?”
• “if you felt totally safe, what would you do differently?”
• “who would you be if you lived beyond fear?”

I’ll leave you to ponder on that for a bit, and will come back with more in a few days.

Dealing with Disappointments

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We all have disappointments in life. We have our hearts set on something that we’d like to achieve, experience or have, but sometimes and unfortunately (apparently) we don’t get what we want. With a sunken heart, our energy drops into the duldrums and the door to a spin-off of negative thoughts opens. So, how to dust yourself off and move on? Here are my top 4 tips…

Acceptance – “It is what it is” and there’s not a lot (if anything) that can be done to change it now. Feeling down about something isn’t going to change it.

Choice over our thoughts – We all have the freedom to think the thoughts we do, and to assign a meaning or interpretation to everything around us. Therefore in any given moment we can choose to look at an unpleasant result and turn it around to be something to celebrate instead.

Power of Now – The past is a memory, the future isn’t here yet, so – right here, right now, is what matters the most. You can choose how you want to feel. Thoughts create how we feel. It’s better to feel happy rather than sad, right? What thoughts can you think to create a better feeling? For example, you could imagine that in the future that object you had wanted will have something “wrong” with it, and how lucky you are that you missed it. You can imagine something better instead.

Faith & Gratitude – Have faith that what is best for you is on it’s way. Be thankful for all the great things you already have.

Create a better future

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What we think, feel and do today is contributing to our tomorrows. We have the power of choice over our thoughts in any given moment. Even in moments of unpleasant circumstances or surroundings, the mind can create a nicer perception.

What will you be in the process of creating today?

Do something

How to get back to a better frame of mind

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The first and most important thing to do when you find yourself either: angry, anxious, frustrated, overwhelmed or stressed, is to change your state.  Even if it is just for 5-10 minutes while you explore problem solving options.

As Albert Einstein said, you cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.

Choose to step into the role of someone who would look at the current scenario in a rational and impartial manner.

Changing your state will take some effort, and its best to take a few long and deep breaths as you step out of where you were and into that new role. Use the power of your imagination to re-create the scene.

Maybe the issue needs to be written down, and then you can brainstorm possible solutions.

Hidden in the Mind (limiting beliefs)

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Trying to achieve something, but you keep getting stuck and don’t know why? The answer most likely is due to your beliefs. The dictionary definition of belief states… “something that is accepted, considered to be true, or held as an opinion; (and) that something exists (with or without proof)”.

We’re constantly hearing and seeing words and opinions from so many sources in our environment. Some of these we consciously choose to believe and some that we don’t. However, when we were children our beliefs were formed with no (or very little) informed decision making skills. Most of these beliefs now lie hidden in our subconscious minds and influence us in our life without any conscious awareness. Many of these beliefs aren’t even in alignment with our current conscious thoughts, yet they often form the basis of our behaviour. Some of these beliefs may serve us well and some will be limiting us (holding us back), and they are known as limiting beliefs.

Whilst it may be challenging to identify the exact origin or scenario that created the limiting belief in the first place, it is possible to at least acknowledge the area of your life that it is negatively affecting. From that place we can logically challenge the limiting belief, because it isn’t really true now, in this moment. What is important to note is that in any given point of time, we have the power of choice with how to think, feel and behave. Thoughts, feelings and behaviour all intertwine together and back again. When the thought is changed, then the feeling will change; and when the action is changed, so does the feeling. There are techniques to support positive change, some of which will be covered in future writings.